do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize