Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
