how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
