coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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