Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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