Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
