If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
