"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
