Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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