I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
