I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Maybe he injected his testicle?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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