Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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