I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
