Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
