It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
