i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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