I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
