Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize