Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
