im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
