I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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