Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
