please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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