"it" just moved
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
