girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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