I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
