the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
