I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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