she was so not down for the gang bang
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
