well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
