people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
