I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
