remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me†eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
