he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
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