You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize