I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
