Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
