He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
