just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
