dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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