batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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