Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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