just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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