and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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