I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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