I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
