you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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