I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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