she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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