I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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