my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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