jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
