Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
