i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
