I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
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