Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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