My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
