Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
