just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
