We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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