I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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