guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
