My hair reeks of homosexuality.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
