He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
