bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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