FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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