i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
