Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
